Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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