I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
