When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
