Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
