I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
