You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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