how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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