I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
