I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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