Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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