The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
