I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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