No awkward lesbian experiences without me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I miss vodka workout Fridays
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize