He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
