You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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