You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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