Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
