I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
