Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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