i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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