Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
