I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
