Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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