we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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