The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
