i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
