Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what day is it and did you see me today?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
