My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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