Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
