And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
