I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
