is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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