Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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