if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
