yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
