I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
