Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
