we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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