Umm I'm too high to move.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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