Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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