arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
