I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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