She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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