I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
