Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
