He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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