I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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