i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
