i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
