i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
