Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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