I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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