She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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