i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
