The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
