FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm having to shit out rocks
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