Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
