His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
