He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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