I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
