One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
