dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
