make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I could make wine with my vomit
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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