listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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