she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
