If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
