he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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