More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Couch. On fire.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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