There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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