apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
