He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
