I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
