Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
